Dear Eirin & Liam,
Today you are one month old! I cannot believe how quickly these first four weeks have flown by. It feels like you were just born and at the same time I can't imagine life without you. I am amazed at how well you are doing, you are both very alert, you smile a lot and have very good neck control considering you are only one month old! For the most part you are very easy going babies. You love being swaddled like little burritos and are able to rest comfortably next to each other in the pack & play or in one of your cribs. You will share a crib until you are big enough to need your own. You are very noisy sleepers. Your coos, snorts, grunts & sighs are adorable but I always think you are about to wake when I hear your little baby noises, (this means Mama doesn't rest soundly). When I check on you, I'm always surprised to find you sleeping so peacefully. I don't know how much time I've spent just staring in amazement at your angelic sleeping faces.
Although I was told multiple times that I would be unable to nurse twins, we've stuck it out and I'm glad it has worked out. It hasn't been a seamless process though. Eirin, it has been a bit of a struggle getting you to latch. I blame this completely on your stay in the NICU and the formula they fed you. It has been frustrating but we keep working on it. In the past couple of weeks you have finally gotten the hang of it. The other hard part has been the marathon feeding sessions, Mama is tired and needs a break once in a while! There are days when you two are continually hungry, the feedings constant and seemingly never-ending. I am amazed that either of you could eat anymore. "You can't still be hungry!" I proclaim as I nurse you again.
Despite these cluster nursing sessions, we have had to continue the formula supplement regimen established at the hospital. The idea of feeding you formula has been hard to accept because I wanted to breastfeed exclusively but I don't think I am producing enough milk to satiate your hunger. Every single time I bottle feed you, I can't help but feel like I am failing you. I knew from the start that once you were given formula it would be a slippery slope, but I am committed to it and nurse each of you for thirty minutes (sometimes longer) before topping you off with formula. The more you nurse, the more milk I'll produce, but my body is failing you miserably by not producing the quantity you both require. We are lucky though because you go easily back and forth from breast to bottle. I had heard so much about nipple confusion that I worried you would have a problem nursing once you had a bottle.
The day after you were born your father went on a job interview and after a few rounds of interviews was offered the job. I think I literally saw the weight on his shoulders lift. Had he remained self-employed, he would have been Mr. Mom by day, Mr. Entrepreneur by night. I would have returned to work after a very short maternity leave. His new job means I'll be able to take the full 4 month maternity leave!
Needless to say these first few weeks with you have been an adjustment. It hasn't been as hectic as I imagined it would be. But it certainly has been busy. We've had to figure out how to feed, change and comfort 2 babies; it has been quite the learning experience. You eat about every 2 hours, you need your diapers changed, you need to be comforted and cuddled; sometimes you cry and need to be nursed at the same time! I have tried the "double football" hold on these occasions, but it is extremely difficult to manage on my own and I prefer to nurse you one at a time to focus on each of you. I have had to also find time to pump in between everything else and of course fit in the occasional nap. I know that I should sleep when you sleep, but I just can't get in the habit of doing so during the day. Often I am forced to go into bed by your father or grandmother. I think I am averaging about 5 total hours of sleep a night. The toughest adjustment for me has been the mornings because I'm not a fan of waking up at the crack of dawn and with you two it is of course impossible to sleep in. The days fly by though and are blending together...an indiscernible daily schedule of feedings, diaper changes & sleeping.
We are so lucky that your abuelita has been willing and able to help us. I don't think I would have been able to do this by myself while your father was busy with final interviews, completing paperwork and tests in preparation for his new job. He now has top level security clearance and started the new job this past week. I'm so happy that it worked out and that he really likes it. Our plan for the next few weeks is for your grandmother to come Monday-Friday to help me out. Your Uncle William will drop her off on Monday mornings and pick her up on Fridays. Your Father and I will have to manage on our own on the weekends.
It will be interesting raising twins, there are already very clear similarities and differences between you. For example, Eirin, you enjoy laying on your stomach for tummy time and are able to lift your head up off the floor for short stretches of time. Liam, you absolutely hate this exercise and complain the minute you are put down on your tummy. It feels awful to force this upon you, but your little neck muscles will not get strong if you don't have enough time on your tummy for practice. I know it will be hard not to make comparisons between you but I am going to try my hardest not to. I can already tell that we'll always be fielding questions like, "who is taller, chubbier, more outgoing, more talkative, etc." Since you are boy-girl twins, it will be easier for you to develop as individuals, yet I don't want to fuel competition or sibling rivalry by making comparisons.
At one month, you have both lost your newborn baby hair. Your heads, specially Liam's are bald and shiny!! I wonder if it will grow back the same color. You both have big, deep blue eyes, but I've been told that all babies are born with blue eyes and that they will definitely change by the time you are 3 months old. We'll have to wait and see. At your one month appointment, Eirin you weighed 8 pounds, 2 ounces and measured 21 inches long. Liam, you weighed 8 pounds, 13.25 ounces and measured 21.25 inches long.
Although I am thrilled beyond words to watch you grow and dedicate myself to raising two gorgeous, healthy and well adjusted children, I have to tell you that I miss my pregnant belly. I miss feeling you move inside me and have caught myself rubbing my belly, waiting for movements that won't come because you are out of the womb. Mostly I miss knowing that while inside my belly I was solely responsible for your growth and development, you were also always protected and I could take you everywhere with me with ease. It is a lot harder to venture out of the house these days. Here's to month number two, venturing out more often and getting to know you better.
Love,
Mama
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