Five Months Old

Written July 10, 2010

Dear Eirin & Liam,
I know that I say this every month, but the weeks sure are flying by quickly. I cannot believe how the first five months of your little live have literally flown by. I must say that this has been the quickest month yet. While caring for you has been very hard work, I cannot imagine life without you and I am extremely thankful for the wonderful time I have had with you. I will always treasure the early memories of our little family and have sorely missed our daily time together.In the past month we've settled into a weekly (M-Th) routine. I get up at 4am to pump and get ready for work. I wake you at about 5am to head out the door. The drive to Brookline is about an hour long, we listen to either NPR or classical music on the radio. The classical music is quite relaxing, I hope you find it as soothing as I do. Once at your Bilita's house, you drink your first bottles of the day. I don't see you again until my lunch hour, which is usually at around 1pm. When I get there you are sometimes awake and sometimes napping. I have just enough time to pump and give you a quick hug. Your Bilita says that no 2 days are alike. On any given day one or both of you will not settle down for a nap or sometimes take a really late nap. I pick you up after work at 4:30pm to head home.

Once at home, it is time to put you down for the night. You are generally really good about settling down after you nurse and have your bedtime bottles. Some days though......oh boy, it takes forever to get you to settle down to sleep. I must admit that there are days when I love that it takes just a little bit more effort & time to get you to sleep. It means I get to cuddle with you for longer. When this happens one of you will fall asleep snuggled up on my chest, the other one will snuggle next to me. I probably hold you like this for much longer than I really need to and often fall asleep myself. There have been days when your Papa has come home to find the three of us asleep like this and will wake me so we can transfer you to your crib.
This month you have moved on to eating a variety of vegetables and fruits. Carrots, peas, squash, green beans, sweet potato, apples, pears, peaches and bananas. You generally have a vegetable and rice cereal meal in the morning and a fruit meal in the afternoon. We are no longer swaddling you at night because you were escaping the swaddle regularly. Although you started moving around in your cribs at night last month, I think you are moving even more now. I never find you in the same spot, needless to say it is never the spot where you started off the night. You are also both rolling over from back to belly easily and consistently. You sometimes roll from belly to back, but this must be more difficult because you do not do it with the same frequency as back to belly.
I bought a jumperoo this month which you both really enjoy. I love watching you play. Eirin, you are my little explorer, you are interested in all the toys on the exersaucers, examining and inspecting each one to find out how each works. Liam, you love making everything move. You jump around like a little monkey making all the toys jostle about and making a huge ruckus. The major milestone this month is that you are sitting up on your own for longer periods of time. There are still some occasions when you lose your balance and topple over a bit but for the majority of the time, you are very good about keeping yourselves up right.

Liam, you are my sweet boy, quiet and a bit shy but sometimes very, very cranky! This means you are always getting picked up or are carried around in the baby bjorn for "extra" attention and more hugs and kisses. When you sleep, you tend to like covering your face with one of your hands or with your lovey. It is a bit frightening to find the lovey covering your face, so I generally don't let you sleep the whole night with it.
Eirin, you are the sweetest, happiest baby. You are all smiles...morning, noon and night. I just adore your beaming face when I get you up every morning. On the weekends, I love listening to the sound of your sweet voice as you patiently "play" in your crib until it is time to get up. You are a really good natured baby, easy to please and rarely cranky. There have been the occasional meltdowns but mostly because food was not coming fast enough.
There are so many new things you are doing, you amaze me every day. Watching you both grow and transform from newborns to little babies full of personality and curiosity is such a delight. One of my favorite things is to watch how you interact with each other. You have been aware of each other but this month you began to reach for one another, hold hands, pull on each others clothes and smile at each other. How wonderful that you have each other to grow with, laugh with, talk with, play with...this is what it means to be a twin, you will always have each other and be the best of friends.
You are also interacting more and more with the fur-balls in our lives. You spend your days with Cosmo, who is such a docile dog that he lets you pull/grab his fur without complaint. Kei and Shiro are more rambunctious and you are so curious and interested in them, smiling and reaching for them every chance you get. For the record, my favorite sound is that of your baby laughter, it is enchanting and makes me love you more and more each day.

xoxo
Love,
Mama

Four Months Old

Written June 11, 2010

Dear Eirin & Liam,
Yesterday you turned four months old! I can't believe how fast time has gone by. I was looking through the photographs of the day you were born and you are both so much bigger, chubbier & cuter. Yes, cuter! You really do get cuter and cuter everyday; I don't know how that is possible but it is true.
I started work this week and have to wake you daily at 5am for our commute into the city. I am going to continue my 10-hour day schedule, the long days will be hard but that extra day at home with you makes it worthwhile. It amazes me how good natured and easy going you both are. Eirin, you are little miss smiley and Liam, although you don't wake up with an enormous grin on your face, it isn't hard to coax one from you. The first day back was tough, I didn't know what to expect and thought you'd both cry in protest when I got you from your cribs to leave. I couldn't ask for better babies!
As I pick you up in the morning you both stretch your bodies out....your arms reaching up and your writhing little bodies contorting like gymnasts as you stretch. It is really quite funny and I imagine you are thinking, "why is she waking us so early?" During the car ride, I can hear you Liam cooing and babbling away to yourself. Eirin, I think you fall asleep most of the time because you are mostly quiet during the ride. I can't see either of you from the front seat because your baby seats face the rear. I really should buy a mirror to hang from the headrest so I can see what you are doing back there.

You have spent this week with your Bilita, Uncle Will and Grandpa Bill in Brookline. I thought the transition would be hard on both of you because it is a new place and I am disrupting your sleep to get you in the car, but the transition has been much harder on me for sure. I wish I was spending all day with you. Luckily, work is only a short 5 minute drive from you and I am able to visit during my lunch hour. If you are not napping when I get there I'll nurse you, but for the most part I've been using that time to pump. Liam, those first couple of days were heart breaking. When you saw me at lunch you cried and cried. I think it was at that moment that you realized that Mama had left you. Poor little guy.

You have started eating solid foods this month; cereal and mushed banana. Eirin, you have taken to eating from a spoon really quite easily, it is a messy endeavor but you seem to really enjoy the new flavors and really love banana. The only hurdle so far is that the food doesn't come fast enough for you and you get inpatient and cry between mouthfuls. Liam, you don't care for eating from a spoon yet. After every spoonful, you'll push the food out with your tongue or you'll let it sit in your mouth without swallowing, eventually spitting it out. Most of the food winds up on your bib, your hands, your face...you make quite the mess of yourself.
Today was your four month physical. Eirin, you weigh 16 pounds 3 ounces and measure 25 inches long. Little girl, you've certainly caught up to your brother! Liam, you weigh 15 pounds 5 ounces and measure 25.75 inches long. You are getting harder and harder to tote around. The difference in weight is perhaps due to Eirin's taking to solid foods more easily. Dr. Henry, your pediatrician has told us to move on to a variety of fruits and vegetables. I think we'll start expanding your repertoire. I really want to try to make homemade food instead of buying the Gerber jars, but with my work schedule and the limited time at home, I'm not sure how that will go.
Although I am missing you terribly while I'm at work, I know you couldn't be in better hands. Your Bilita is taking wonderful care of you and you'll learn Spanish to boot! Know that I am thinking of you and hold you close to my heart.

Love,
Mama

Month Two

April 10, 2010
Dear Eirin & Liam,
You are two months old today! Can I tell you that I fall in love with you a little more each day? As the days go by, I grow more confident in my parenting skills. Although he hasn't expressed it, I suspect that your father feels the same. In the overall scheme of things two months is a really short amount of time, yet in that short time frame we've grown as parents. We've moved beyond the nervous new parent stage and are now more relaxed, no longer needing to check in on you obsessively.At two months you have outgrown your newborn size clothing, you are smiling more and are having longer periods of wakefulness. You enjoy your swing and staring at the musical mobile and mirror on it; it is a useful contraption in that it usually lulls you to sleep. You are both sprouting brand new hair, it is the softest fuzz I've ever felt. I didn't think it would grow back as quickly as it did, you were not shiny bald babies for very long. You've discovered your hands and can be found with 2 or 3 fingers in your mouths or sucking your thumbs. You continue to feed every 2-3 hours. You are good eaters but sometimes it is a struggle to keep you awake when nursing. You hardly spit up, but there have been a couple of times when you have spit up so much that I've been drenched in milk. Thank you for being considerate of your mother by timing these instances so you are not spitting up at the same time.

We try to give you plenty of tummy time. Liam we lay you on your stomach in short spurts of time as you don't seem to love it and complain the minute you are put down. Eirin, you don't mind this activity, but I think you prefer being on your back and looking up at the dangling toys on the play mat than laying on your stomach. Ironically, we've discovered that when you are placed on your stomachs for naps, you'll sleep for longer than ten minutes at a time. What a great discovery! The longer breaks have given me some time to get the laundry and vacuuming done.

Your Aunt Mary finally met you this month. She came from Chicago to help me for a week and we really enjoyed her visit. I was surprised at how well she did helping to care for you. She didn't shy away from changing your diapers; I did not hear her complain once about the midnight feedings and lack of sleep. Mostly, I think she enjoyed trying to engage you and singing to you. I did not know it, but your Aunt has a knack for making up silly little songs. Mary has had no experience at all with babies, she never babysat, so when your grandmother one day jokingly, in a baby voice said, "Tia, Tia, please pour us some lemonade," she obliged and started to pour a couple of ounces of lemonade into one of your bottles. We laughed so hard and Mary's response made it even funnier, "what, they don't drink lemonade?"
On March 29th, your grandmother and I took you to Norwood Hospital for some ultrasounds. Because you were breech babies, your pediatrician wanted to be sure you did not have hip dysplasia. Eirin, you had to have an additional ultrasound and x-ray because of a little dimple on your lower back, I guess these dimples are a possible indication that the spine is not growing straight and they wanted to be sure you did not have any spinal malformations. It was a relief to find out that "everything looked great" and developing normally; there were no anomalies present on ultrasound. I continue to thank god for giving us such a precious gift, two healthy babies.

We've ventured out of the house more often this month. On your first Easter, we went out for brunch. We went with both of your grandmothers, your Grandpa Bill and your Uncle William. I discovered that we'll definitely need a bigger car! We were hoping to get away with my VW Jetta but the double stroller does not fit easily into the trunk. It will be much easier to get out if I can get the stroller in and out of the car without breaking a sweat trying to maneuver it to the perfect angle to slip into the trunk. I don't know how I'm going to manage taking you two out by myself. The idea frightens me and thank goodness I haven't had to go anywhere alone yet. I know I'll have to do this in the near future and I'll get through it, I'll manage, but I can't help but worry that I won't be able to do it.

The general consensus is that we have a mini David and mini Ely on our hands. Liam, when I see your face, I see your father. You have the same facial expressions! I've only seen a few of your father's baby pictures and you don't quite look like him when he was a baby though, which is weird. Eirin, I flipped through my baby album the other day and on some of the pictures I can see why your grandmother says that you remind her of me.

As the days go by I know that my maternity leave gets shorter and shorter. I don't know how I'm going to go back to work full time, it is going to be really hard. For now, I look forward to the month ahead, to more time with you, and to more gummy smiles, coos and giggles. I also look forward to seeing your interactions, right now all you do is stare at each other, which means you are aware of that other little person that you shared a womb with and will share the rest of your life with.

Love,
Mama

One Month Old!

Written on March 10, 2010

Dear Eirin & Liam,
Today you are one month old! I cannot believe how quickly these first four weeks have flown by. It feels like you were just born and at the same time I can't imagine life without you. I am amazed at how well you are doing, you are both very alert, you smile a lot and have very good neck control considering you are only one month old! For the most part you are very easy going babies. You love being swaddled like little burritos and are able to rest comfortably next to each other in the pack & play or in one of your cribs. You will share a crib until you are big enough to need your own. You are very noisy sleepers. Your coos, snorts, grunts & sighs are adorable but I always think you are about to wake when I hear your little baby noises, (this means Mama doesn't rest soundly). When I check on you, I'm always surprised to find you sleeping so peacefully. I don't know how much time I've spent just staring in amazement at your angelic sleeping faces.
Although I was told multiple times that I would be unable to nurse twins, we've stuck it out and I'm glad it has worked out. It hasn't been a seamless process though. Eirin, it has been a bit of a struggle getting you to latch. I blame this completely on your stay in the NICU and the formula they fed you. It has been frustrating but we keep working on it. In the past couple of weeks you have finally gotten the hang of it. The other hard part has been the marathon feeding sessions, Mama is tired and needs a break once in a while! There are days when you two are continually hungry, the feedings constant and seemingly never-ending. I am amazed that either of you could eat anymore. "You can't still be hungry!" I proclaim as I nurse you again.

Despite these cluster nursing sessions, we have had to continue the formula supplement regimen established at the hospital. The idea of feeding you formula has been hard to accept because I wanted to breastfeed exclusively but I don't think I am producing enough milk to satiate your hunger. Every single time I bottle feed you, I can't help but feel like I am failing you. I knew from the start that once you were given formula it would be a slippery slope, but I am committed to it and nurse each of you for thirty minutes (sometimes longer) before topping you off with formula. The more you nurse, the more milk I'll produce, but my body is failing you miserably by not producing the quantity you both require. We are lucky though because you go easily back and forth from breast to bottle. I had heard so much about nipple confusion that I worried you would have a problem nursing once you had a bottle.

The day after you were born your father went on a job interview and after a few rounds of interviews was offered the job. I think I literally saw the weight on his shoulders lift. Had he remained self-employed, he would have been Mr. Mom by day, Mr. Entrepreneur by night. I would have returned to work after a very short maternity leave. His new job means I'll be able to take the full 4 month maternity leave!

Needless to say these first few weeks with you have been an adjustment. It hasn't been as hectic as I imagined it would be. But it certainly has been busy. We've had to figure out how to feed, change and comfort 2 babies; it has been quite the learning experience. You eat about every 2 hours, you need your diapers changed, you need to be comforted and cuddled; sometimes you cry and need to be nursed at the same time! I have tried the "double football" hold on these occasions, but it is extremely difficult to manage on my own and I prefer to nurse you one at a time to focus on each of you. I have had to also find time to pump in between everything else and of course fit in the occasional nap. I know that I should sleep when you sleep, but I just can't get in the habit of doing so during the day. Often I am forced to go into bed by your father or grandmother. I think I am averaging about 5 total hours of sleep a night. The toughest adjustment for me has been the mornings because I'm not a fan of waking up at the crack of dawn and with you two it is of course impossible to sleep in. The days fly by though and are blending together...an indiscernible daily schedule of feedings, diaper changes & sleeping.


We are so lucky that your abuelita has been willing and able to help us. I don't think I would have been able to do this by myself while your father was busy with final interviews, completing paperwork and tests in preparation for his new job. He now has top level security clearance and started the new job this past week. I'm so happy that it worked out and that he really likes it. Our plan for the next few weeks is for your grandmother to come Monday-Friday to help me out. Your Uncle William will drop her off on Monday mornings and pick her up on Fridays. Your Father and I will have to manage on our own on the weekends.

It will be interesting raising twins, there are already very clear similarities and differences between you. For example, Eirin, you enjoy laying on your stomach for tummy time and are able to lift your head up off the floor for short stretches of time. Liam, you absolutely hate this exercise and complain the minute you are put down on your tummy. It feels awful to force this upon you, but your little neck muscles will not get strong if you don't have enough time on your tummy for practice. I know it will be hard not to make comparisons between you but I am going to try my hardest not to. I can already tell that we'll always be fielding questions like, "who is taller, chubbier, more outgoing, more talkative, etc." Since you are boy-girl twins, it will be easier for you to develop as individuals, yet I don't want to fuel competition or sibling rivalry by making comparisons.
At one month, you have both lost your newborn baby hair. Your heads, specially Liam's are bald and shiny!! I wonder if it will grow back the same color. You both have big, deep blue eyes, but I've been told that all babies are born with blue eyes and that they will definitely change by the time you are 3 months old. We'll have to wait and see. At your one month appointment, Eirin you weighed 8 pounds, 2 ounces and measured 21 inches long. Liam, you weighed 8 pounds, 13.25 ounces and measured 21.25 inches long.

Although I am thrilled beyond words to watch you grow and dedicate myself to raising two gorgeous, healthy and well adjusted children, I have to tell you that I miss my pregnant belly. I miss feeling you move inside me and have caught myself rubbing my belly, waiting for movements that won't come because you are out of the womb. Mostly I miss knowing that while inside my belly I was solely responsible for your growth and development, you were also always protected and I could take you everywhere with me with ease. It is a lot harder to venture out of the house these days. Here's to month number two, venturing out more often and getting to know you better.

Love,
Mama

Your Birthday Story

Written on February 27, 2010

Dear Eirin and Liam,

I cannot believe you have arrived already! The 37 weeks of pregnancy are now nothing but a blip in my memory. Your official due date is coming up next week, March 2nd. I can honestly say that I never would have made it the full forty weeks. I was comfortable for most of the pregnancy, but that last week was rough. My gait was painfully slow, there was no relief from the heartburn and the swollen feet were becoming ever more painful.

Your Papa and I were mentally prepared for your birth on February 17th. On February 9th, we still had a week left to finish organizing your room, to finish cleaning, to finish getting ready for your imminent arrival. Nevertheless, at my weekly OB appointment on that day, I was told your birthday would be the following day. After an unremarkable twin pregnancy, my blood pressure was suddenly really high, of sufficient concern that my doctor decided there was “no reason to wait another week.” This of course meant we had to get ready quickly! Your Papa had to rush to get Kei and Shiro into a kennel and clean the house as best he could. After the appointment, I went back to work to wrap things up before heading home to finish packing my hospital bag. We also had to figure out the best strategy for getting to the hospital the next day. All of the weather reports indicated a huge snowstorm was due overnight! To avoid the morning rush and potentially horrendous drive in the snow, we decided it was best to stay overnight in Brookline at your grandmother’s apartment.

It was a tough night’s sleep; I could not get comfortable in a strange bed and woke up even more than usual to use the bathroom. I was also dying of thirst but could not have anything to drink in preparation for the cesarean. The next day we drove to the hospital, your grandmother came with us, I felt better knowing she’d be there, even though I knew she wouldn’t be allowed in the O.R. We checked in without much fanfare, pre-registering made everything really easy. Once on the floor, I was hooked up to the fetal monitor, which monitored each of your heart rates and also any contractions. Turns out I was having some contractions but I felt them only minimally. To my surprise, I was not nervous. Your Papa was anxious. He put on his scrubs as soon as they were given to him, he paced a little, I don’t think he knew what to do with himself as we waited and waited…

I was scheduled for an 11am cesarean but there was some sort of hold up because I was not wheeled into the O.R. until 12:30pm. I was given a spinal which worked quickly, completely numbing my lower body. I don’t remember what they put in the iv, but whatever it was made me very very sleepy. I remember everything, although most of it is a bit muddled. There were A LOT of medical people in that room, a team of doctors for me and then a team of doctors/nurses for each of you. After the spinal, the doctors moved quickly, positioning me on my back and stretching my arms out. I don’t think they strapped me down but I can’t be sure. They also wrapped these white boot type contraptions around my legs which inflated and deflated at regular intervals to promote circulation. I remember a tingly/prickly and warm feeling on one of my toes and the strange sensation as I tried to move it, but was unable to do so. The numbness started at my feet and slowly moved up my legs and the rest of my body. The anesthesiologist then showed me a little plastic cocktail sword, he poked my shoulder with it, asked if I felt its sharpness and then explained that he’d be poking my body with it, starting at my feet and move his way up, I was to tell him when I felt the sharpness again. I thought it was a strange object to use.

I did not see or hear your Papa come into the room. I realized he was there when I felt someone holding my hand and recognized him despite his masked face. Everything was happening so quickly, I couldn’t see anything because the huge blue sheet hanging across my chest obstructed my view. I was struggling to stay awake; I worried that if I fell asleep I’d miss everything and wanted to see you so badly. I barely got a glimpse of you Eirin when they held you up over the blue sheet. They carted you away so quickly…I kept thinking they’d bring you over so I could hold you but there was some fluid in your lungs making your breathing a little bit labored…and then just as they hauled you away, we got a quick glimpse of Liam. “Meet your son,” I heard someone say as they brought you over to us to hold you and see your beautiful face. The feeling was overpowering; I could feel my eyes start to tear. And so on February 10^th, Eirin, you came into this world at 1:07pm, weighing 6 pounds 2 ounces and were 18 inches long. A mere minute later, Liam, you were born weighing 6 pounds 7 ounces and were 19.5 inches long. We were then able to get a photograph of our new family.


At some point they closed me up, but I didn’t even notice. Eirin, you were taken to the NICU and Liam and I went to a recovery room. It was strange because I was expecting two babies, yet we only had the one with us. Although my mind was foggy from the drugs, I kept thinking, where is Eirin? I really needed to see you and hold you, we were incomplete. I had to settle for periodic updates from the nurses. Your Papa and grandmother went to the NICU to see you the moment they were allowed to do so. I eagerly awaited their return to hear them tell me about you; what you looked like, how you were doing, the waiting was awful.

Due to a complication after delivery, they kept me in recovery overnight. It felt like we were in limbo and I was anxious to be in our room. I was also extremely thirsty. I begged for ice chips and couldn’t wait to drink something…water, juice, ginger ale, it didn’t matter what, I just needed to quench the thirst. I was exhausted, in pain and groggy from the meds, but Liam, every time they brought you in to nurse during the night, I forgot everything and just couldn’t get enough of you, your little self, tiny hands and long skinny fingers, your beautiful round face and deep blue eyes. I couldn’t believe someone so beautiful had come from me.

Eirin, I did not get to really really meet you (hold you) until the next day, when I was finally allowed to leave recovery. They wheeled me in to the NICU and maneuvered the clunky gurney close to the incubator. I asked to hold you and they laid you on my chest for a quick minute. You were tiny, much smaller than your brother. Like your brother, your eyes were a deep blue but your complexion was darker and your features more delicate. My precious little girl our time together was so short but they told us we’d have you with us later that day. What a relief to know that everything was fine. Although we missed your first moments on earth, I was grateful that the doctors were thorough.

We couldn’t have asked for anything more. You’ve brought love and joy to my life, from the moment I saw your sweet faces and heard your cries. God graced our lives with two precious and healthy little angels. We are truly blessed.

I know it is a cliché, but being your Mama is the most important job I will ever have. I promise to cherish our time together, to nurture and guide you, to make sure you know how much you are loved. Motherhood has changed my priorities; I promise to hold steadfast to the understanding that satisfying your needs will sometimes come with sacrifice. Know that your needs will always come first, before my own, before your Papa’s. Thank you for making me a mother.

Love, Mama

Happy half-birthday Eirin and Liam!

Dear Eirin & Liam,
Six months!! Half a year has gone by, my precious little marshmallows, since you graced our lives, forever changing the world as we knew it, making everything more meaningful and just so much better! Six months is a wonderful age. You are more engaged, you reach for toys and each other, you suck your feet, you babble and squeal in delight. Your vocalizations are just amazing, it is mostly nonsense but once in a while I'll hear a "Maaammamaaaamamaaamama"! (Ha! Maybe your Mama is crazy and making stuff up in her head, hearing what she wants to hear.)

You are sitting up unassisted for longer stretches of time, you still topple over sometimes, but this happens less and less. When on your bellies you lift your torsos high off the floor, rocking, pushing with your arms and kicking your fat little legs behind you. I'm convinced you'll be crawling soon! You just need to figure out how to put all the different movements together. You two are becoming sweet curious little human beings, growing right before my eyes. You are on the verge of becoming mobile babies, just a little bit more independent of your Mama.

You've discovered your feet in earnest and will suck on your toes. The oral exploration has grown exponentially, everything within your reach will inevitably wind up in your mouths. This includes your sister's/brother's hands, fingers, toes even! One of the sweetest things I've witnessed this month is just how much you already love each other. You reach for each other so enthusiastically, squeezing your little fists around whatever you got a hold of...an arm, ear, hand, shirt. In an apparent attempt at a big slobbery kiss, you'll lunge towards each other, open your mouths wide and suck on each others plump rosy cheeks. It is the cutest thing to see. Since you are both still very clumsy, I watch you closely, afraid you'll accidentally scratch each other, butt heads or god forbid, poke an eye.

We are feeding you solid meals twice a day. Eirin you are such a good eater, very rarely do you give me any trouble. Liam, you are a different story altogether. I thought that you would be eating much better by now, but you are one frustrating child to feed. You will take a mouthful and proceed to spit half of it out. This applies to both solids and your bottle. You'll gulp away but not swallow and then spit it out. It is so annoying, especially since I know you can eat well because there have been times when you've proven you can eat like a champ.

You are both still mostly bald. The peach fuzz growing in is so soft that I can't get enough cuddle time so I can touch my cheek to your downy heads. Eirin, I don't know where you are getting such dark hair from, it is really a dark, dark brown. Liam your hair continues to come in a shade of red, it is definitely more red than blond now. You are my little Irish boy.

Eirin, you continue to sleep through the night beautifully. Liam, for the past week we have been having some issues with your sleeping. You have been waking up at 1:30am, just fussing and crying. I bring you into bed to nurse you and you'll fall asleep quickly after five minutes of nursing, so I am not convinced that hunger is the cause of this disruption in the middle of the night. When I put you down in your crib, you'll wake and cry, so back to bed we go and we sleep together until my alarm goes off. Are you waking, my dear son, because you need the close physical contact with your Mama? The jury is still out, but for the time being, if you need to be cuddled at night so you can sleep soundly, I am not going to deprive you.

I'm excited for what lies ahead and sad that time is flashing by so quickly. Can't we just freeze time so I can enjoy you at this stage for a little bit longer? For now, I promise to enjoy you as much as I can, cheer you on and applaud your accomplishments.

Love, Mama

Thoughts on Breastfeeding

Despite being told multiple times that it would be IMPOSSIBLE to nurse twins, there was never a doubt in my mind that I would nurse my babies. I did not know how difficult it would be, but anticipated that meeting the needs of two babies would be a challenge. I am so glad that I stuck with it though. The benefits of breastfeeding far outweigh the convenience of not doing so and to be honest I really don't agree with people who claim that babies are able to get all the antibodies and benefits from mother's milk after breastfeeding for a month (although I suppose breastfeeding for a month is better than not at all). It is so hard not to be judgmental, but in my opinion they copped out and failed their babies by giving up so quickly. It is definitely a commitment; it involves some effort and time, but it is so worth it.

I can't lie though, it has been hard and unfortunately we were on a slippery slope from the beginning in the hospital. Eirin was taken to the NICU immediately after birth so I was unable to nurse her -- the nurses started her on formula and she had difficulty latching once out of the NICU. Liam did really well, the nurse had me nurse him hours after birth, and latching wasn’t a problem. Milk production though was sub-par as he did lose some weight those first few days. The first time I used the pump at the hospital, I was shocked at how little milk I produced. No wonder the kid was losing weight. The nurses assured me it would come in, to keep at it, to continue nursing & pumping, that the milk would come. Despite my doubts, I heeded their recommendations and they were right. It is such a bonding experience, a relaxing time to sit and devote time to each baby. I did try feeding both at once but I found it to be very awkward and really I never did quite get the hang of the “double football” hold or any of the other recommended positions for feeding twins. Although it would have cut my feeding time in half, I prefer the one-on-one time with the babies. My hat’s off to those who’ve been successful at breastfeeding twins at once! Per doctors’ orders we do supplement with formula. I struggled with this at first because I so wanted them to get their nutrients from me, but I also realized that bottle feeding did give me a break & gives their Papa a chance to pitch in. It would have been nice to stick to breast milk exclusively, but we did what was best for us and continued the routine we got used to in the hospital.

We’re now six months in and I’ve continued to breastfeed despite being back to work. In the past week, I have noticed a dramatic drop in milk production, which just makes me so sad. I made a commitment to stick with it for their first year, but I may have to stop earlier than that. Well, as the saying goes the best laid plans of mice and men oft go astray... It will be my body that dictates the end date. In the meantime, I’ll enjoy the last days of this experience.

There's no time!

We have plenty to blog about lately…but there is little to no time to do any writing at all. In looking back at this weblog, neither one of us has done a good job keeping it up to date. Although I'd like to promise that this time it will be different, there are no guarantees. I will try, that's all I can do. I have been writing a little bit, mostly writing monthly letters to the twins, but I am apprehensive about posting, mostly because I'm a horrible writer. I wish I had the talent necessary to write eloquently and perhaps make some money from blogging, but that isn't going to happen. I will have to play catch up at first since I should post my old monthly letters to Eirin & Liam. Look out for months 1-5 and more frequent updates from the Driscoll household. -Liz

Say what?

Feb 9th, picture of Liz at 37 weeks right before her appointment. OB: "Lets get these babies out tomorrow." A bit of a wrench in our plans since we planned everything around a Feb 17th delivery date, but after some scrambling, everything worked out great!